Two Shoes is not in right now...: iPhone-o-graphy part 2.

Hahaha. I just used Google Chrome to translate my last blog into Norwegian. What a laugh. I remember once at work offshore we spent the better part of half an hour laughing at Google Translate saying perverse things in a Norwegian Stephen Hawkins voice. Small things amuse small minds huh.

Hopefully going back to Reykjavik in September to teach at the Reykjavik Fashion Academy for a few days. Really excited about that. For the meantime though I have slightly more bigger issues to worry about. After completely crashing out from sleep deprivation yesterday, I flopped into bed at 9:30PM, content just to be horizontal for more than 30 minutes, my peaceful slumber was violently brought to a halt at just after 3:00AM after the general alarm went off. ( There is no different alarm for major or minor accidents, same flashing lights and infernal pitched beeping regardless) The first thing that races through your mind is: Oh Fuck. Nothing more, nothing less. Just that. Either something has gone wrong on a catastrophic level in which case you have to act smartly and quickly or something has gone wrong on a catastrophic level and its too late to act at all. The next thing that floated into my semi-conscious state of mind was: Where is my survival suit? And do I have time to put it on? Right. Its under my bed, and lets wait and hear for what the platform chief says next. First sign of the word gas rolling off his tongue, and Im out of here. That suit will keep you warm for 8 hours in frigid sea water, but will not help for 30 seconds in a room being pumped full of hydrogen sulphide. I always think the worst, that way when it is the worst, at least you've had a few seconds to mentally prepare for what happens next. My plan was to gun it down the hall, make for the stairs and get to either the helideck or my lifeboat station quick sticks.

Luckily the word gas never saw the light of day. The words sewerage, 1st floor and problem did though. A gentle wave of relief lapped over my now cold sweat ridden and tense body. At least the problem wasn't going to affect me immediately. You can safely assume as well that all is well here considering I had time to plot out and type this post. As much I love blogging, if I had to jump into the sea, you wouldn't hear about here. CNN, BBC, or the local newspaper might be the best options to keep your eyes on.

Turns out the entire sewerage system on the first floor decided to give up on life in the early hours of the morning, spewing out its contents to the bathroom floor of every cabin simultaneously. Keep in mind there are +-30-35 cabins on the 1st floor, this meant big shit. (Sorry, I had to. That isn't the last one either). I was on the 4th floor, but with one peek out down the stairwell I could smell the problem. Ventilation in the living quarter is quite good, its over pressured for safety reasons, which means the air circulation is better than a normal room with normal atmospheric pressure. This proved to be a serious issue 20 minutes after the initial porcelain volcano erupted. The aftershocks were quite powerful and its 2:35PM and the stench is still very much there. This meant that the entire 1st floor was evacuated, all the unnecessary personal were sent home by chopper and the people that needed to sleep were found rooms by 10AM this morning. The hotel manager must have had fun organising that by herself at 7AM. Three choppers in and out within a 1hour time frame. One of my colleagues was unfortunate enough to have been caught in the shitstorm. This meant that today was a write off for our entire team, as Statoil's rules state you must have at least 6 hours uninterrupted sleep off-shift. So he has had a pretty shitty time and been trying to nap the entire day while I have been doing other bits and pieces, namely editing iPhone pictures. Here's the second installment of my Reykjavik Romance iPhone-o-graphy set. Have a good day internet. N