Two Shoes is not in right now...: Daydreaming and the excitement of the unknown.

Wow.... Been a while since I've done this whole shebang. To be completely honest, I have been way too busy for my own good lately. I feel burnt out and unmotivated.

I go through this phase every Autumn. I have this cycle of being so amped during Spring and Summer that I shoot and shoot and grind myself down. Then I sit and scheme and plan and spend more time worrying about how to actually make things happen than getting anything done. I was planning to write a book on procrastination, but I think I'll start that next week. When Autumn and Winter come round I have run out of creativity and have no will or energy to even think about doing something interesting. I know it has something to do with the weather. The Norwegian weather kills me, I have no sense of belonging and am completely out of place in the snow. Today was the first snowfall in Trondheim. The initial excitement of waking up to a completely white city wore off as soon as I had to trundle up to the shop to buy coffee and rolls. Its not romantic. Its not cosy. It sucks. I remember last year or the year before I went through the same shit. I didn't pick up my camera for two months. I was worried in the beginning. Then I kind of grew to accept the fact that I cant squeeze creativity out of myself, at least not all the time.

I walk past my camera everyday, mentally it feels we are like a couple with some intimacy issues. She wants my attention, wants to be held and have her buttons pushed. I greet her as I get out of bed on my way to the kitchen. I make some coffee and sit in the deepish nook of my window sill that is my favourite "drift off and zone out" place. I smoke a cigarette and watch the world scuttle past down below. I steal a glimpse at her poking here head out of the shelf. I think about how good things are when we are together. We make things together, we compose, manipulate and create together. I know what she is capable of, I know how to take care of her, and recognise her in my hands every time. She makes some mistakes some times, but I forgive her, she is not perfect, but neither am I. Some times I blame her for my mistakes too. I could be better at taking responsibility for this. She sits there staring at me on some days, pleading to be taken out into the world and shown things she has never seen before.

I have been shooting a bunch of personal projects lately, some of them you will see and some f them you won't. The ones that you will see are great and something I am really proud of. They might not have great meaning to you as the viewer, but for me, the personal effort, sentiment and value is enormous. My head is in a thousand places now. So many things to finish, so many to get started, so many to follow up. I can only do so much at one time. This whole vibe of not shooting and being idle is ok for now. I have accepted that there now only a few weeks left for me to start getting things done. I have committed myself to the process of making some of these happen. Commitment is such a massive thing for me at the moment. I have been so scared to challenge myself and do things out of my usual way, experimenting, playing, testing, making mistakes. A while ago I had to remind myself why I started doing all of this..... Why was that again? Recognition? No. Fame? No. Money? No. To be talented at something? No. Fun? Yes. Photography can be a mental burden, a leech on one's soul when the inspiration runs out, a financial gamble, an art, a rewarding pastime, and a form of art. For me its the reward and the process of making something beautiful come to life. Capturing a moment that can be shared with everyone.

Winter here is a fuck up. Unless you have some winter fashion idea that will probably be cheesy as fuck no matter which angle you look at it. Actually, I do have some cool ideas for shooting outdoor stuff in the snow, but my word, how I can not be bothered to haul all the gear out into the snow and stand there and freeze. Hopefully when I get round to doing these, they won't be cheesy as fuck. Hopefully. So apart from the freezing temps, the shitty light, the misery of just living in Trondheim in Winter, there is actually nothing for me here in this time of year. In fact anywhere north of Morocco is fairly superfluous this time of year.

I hold my hope in one thing that is just around the corner. One thing that will fill my heart and my sun deprived skin with warmth. One place that always make my heart beat to a rhythm I can dig. Home. Cape Town. Oh yes. It has been way too long my old friend. Sun, beach, shorts, lazy evenings, my car, my family, my dog, food, moms cakes, dad's shit jokes, friends. Ill take it all right now. The best part of all of it is the time, 10 weeks!!! Half of which will probably go into shooting and building up my book so that I can show some spring/summer fashion when I get home in February. Its going to be great. I also have this bucket list of shots to get. Some of the big ones will start falling off the list soon. This one thing is pretty much the only thing that is keeping me from putting the toaster in the bath right now.

At the moment I have some other things going on here, making my new home feel like home is coming along pretty well. Tying up the last of the offshore jobs for 2012 is also on the cards. A short trip down to my favourite coastal town in South-Western Norway is also a possibility. And then I'm gone. Will try put up some things whilst I'm working through my mountain of shit. In the mean time here are some of the things, and people I have been shooting with my iPhone. For those of you that are on Instagram, you can follow me @twoshoesphoto. Much love as always for all of you out there following my blog. Take it easy. N.

PS. iPhone 5 camera? OMG!!! I want one soooooo bad. (Just had to drop that in there!)