A little handful.

I never went to photography school. Maybe it shows? I don't know. One thing that I learnt pretty early though is that there is less importance on good or bad than just being different. I see myself improving constantly. I also see myself making mistakes. I learn, I try again. I never had someone sit down and teach me the basics of exposure, composition, posing, the business side, and everything else that goes with it. I did however spend an enormous amount of time teaching myself. I watched days worth of tutorials, read .pdf's and books on possibly every subject related to cameras and lights I could think of, I read blogs, surfed websites. I listened to other photographers. I read books that weren't even vaguely related to photography, but got inspiration to shoot something by transcribing the feeling. One of my weak sides at the moment is my post-production. I just started learning Photoshop CS6 a few months ago. Holy shit. Its another world. It really gets 4 dimensional when you start playing in layers and compositing things in. I still have a long way to go in terms of being slick at it. But I'm getting there. One click at a time.

Recently since I've hit my shitty "Norwegian weather is the end of me" period again, I've been exploring other sides of what I can do with a camera. Stripped it down in a way. Im trying to avoid the annoyingly overused cliche of "back to basics" here. Essentially though, this is the actual happenings of all the wizardry that all of you see. I have been drawing a lot of inspiration from art, music, textures, tones, composition experimentation, people and the energy of living the amazing life that I have been given. Quick side note here, I have been listening to ALOT of Sigur Ros lately. I have this one song thats 10 minutes long as a favourite. I listened to it on repeat one night while chilling at home. The next day was a disaster, I was anxious, I was rude to someone for no reason, my internet cut out for a day and a half, my fingers were sore from climbing, basically everything went fucking pear shaped. I isolated myself, put on Sigur Ros and sat down on my fluffy carpet to just zone out for a bit. I just broke down and balled my eyes out for a solid 20 minutes. The music just to added to the melancholiness of it all. What a moment. Instead of feeling weak and pathetic for basically acting like a pregnant woman, I felt strong and empowered. I am in such awe of music that has an effect on people. I wish that my pictures could assimilate this kind of energy. Not necessarily to make people cry, but just to have an effect. To evoke a though, the create a drive. There is so much inspiration out there just waiting to be seen and heard. If you have not seen or heard the beauty that is Sigur Ros yet, I highly suggest you check them out here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VvB_UmmIzk

Where was I? Ah yes. So my interpretation of this minimalistic approach is based around a thing. A physical, tangible object. It just so happens to be a camera lens. A while ago I bought some old gear off the net, namely two Mamiya/Sekor 35mm film cameras and some lenses in the 28, 50 and 135mm focal range. The first thing I love about this stuff was the simplicity of everything. Ok, its a given that the technology in the 60's was nearly as sophisticated as the toys we have today. Another thing is that all the lenses I got were primes. (Prime lenses are fixed focal length, which means you cannot zoom in or out, your feet do this part. In turn this also means the optical quality of the lens is superior to an equivalent zoom lens as there are far fewer moving components.) Primes lenses make everything more exciting. Really. I love my wide angles, so the 28mm ƒ2.8 was my new best friend. The other great and some what frustrating thing with this trifecta of goodies is that they are all manual focus and you set the aperture on the actual lens. I cannot for the life of me be bothered to explain how aperture and ƒ-stops work right now, but the manual focus part is fairly self explanatory. The one problem that exists is that the mount for the Mamiya is a M42 screw mount, obviously the newer Canon 5D Mk2 is not. This created a massive problem. Like trying to put diesel in a petrol car, It just wont work. Ever. I then spent a fair deal of time on E-Bay and various other websites and forums, I gave up for a while, but then I found out I was not the only one looking for such a device that would "Frankenstein" my two babies together. I found an adapter with focus confirm and one without. Focus confirm was a must because I had and still do have no idea how to back focus a manual lens.  I will now stop with the technical bullshit and get to the point here.

The result is something quite special. It has a unique feel. The whole experience is different. My usual first choice or go to lens is my Canon EF 35mm ƒ1.4, being a 12000NOK/ R14000, this lens is really in a class of its own. But with the Mamiya 28mm, which is worth not much except the sentimental value, things are gritty, raw, unrefined, almost elementary. With the lens on the camera, it feels like a camera should. The great thing this combination has taught me is to wait. To anticipate the action. The manual focus really forces you to take your time and get everything right before you fire the shutter. The whole thing is very similar to shooting film. Shooting film to me is like eating a box of Côte d'or chocolates, you take every waking moment to savour the taste, you don't just gobble the box up in one go like a greedy little piggy. Just like you don't blaze through a roll of film just to be done with it. Overall the lens is in "decent" condition, there are some scratches on the front element, the paint is tarnished,  and the focus ring glitches a little. Does it produce crystal clear super sharp images? Definitely not! Far from it actually. The contrast is terrible. Really terrible. It makes blue streaks randomly appear on skin, at ƒ2.8 it is softer than a care bear in a bowl of custard. And at ƒ9 the CA (Chromatic Aberration) is appalling. So appalling that it makes everything look like its rusting. Would you like your face to look like its rusting? No. Me neither. So essentially it only "works" in half of its actual aperture range. The manual focus is also an issue some times. It took me a while to calibrate ad get used to it. Aside from the fact that most other photographers would deem it as a fancy paperweight, I love it. I absolutely love it. Shooting this lens over the last couple weeks has brought me the utmost of joy. I have learned more about composition, and waiting for the shot more in the last six weeks than the last 6 months. I posted a little while ago that my camera was somewhat like a fictitious girlfriend, I need to correct that a bit, the camera with this lens is my lover. #fixed.

I guess what it comes down to is the quintessential simplicity of it all. The real beauty of photography, and part of my personal photographic philosophy. Being different, doing things that are generally steered cleared of. Given, I can produce BETTER images, is it as fun? Is at as rewarding? Does it matter? No. Not really.

The following pictures are of some of the people that make me laugh, people that are close to me, people that helped me move in, people that I party with, people that helped me assemble shit until 2AM, people I have had as dinner guests, people that are consistent, people that have inspired me to change, people that are friends. I take pictures of people. Seemed most sensible I stuck to doing that. Be different, but above all, take it easy. N.

PS: I know my grammar and spelling is not perfect, fuck off. Wheres your blog?

Daydreaming and the excitement of the unknown.

Wow.... Been a  while since I've done this whole shebang. To be completely honest, I have been way too busy for my own good lately. I feel burnt out and unmotivated.

I go through this phase every Autumn. I have this cycle of being so amped during Spring and Summer that I shoot and shoot and grind myself down. Then I sit and scheme and plan and spend more time worrying about how to actually make things happen than getting anything done. I was planning to write a book on procrastination, but I think I'll start that next week. When Autumn and Winter come round I have run out of creativity and have no will or energy to even think about doing something interesting. I know it has something to do with the weather. The Norwegian weather kills me, I have no sense of belonging and am completely out of place in the snow. Today was the first snowfall in Trondheim. The initial excitement of waking up to a completely white city wore off as soon as I had to trundle up to the shop to buy coffee and rolls. Its not romantic. Its not cosy. It sucks. I remember last year or the year before I went through the same shit. I didn't pick up my camera for two months. I was worried in the beginning. Then I kind of grew to accept the fact that I cant squeeze creativity out of myself, at least not all the time.

 I walk past my camera everyday, mentally it feels we are like a couple with some intimacy issues. She wants my attention, wants to be held and have her buttons pushed. I greet her as I get out of bed on my way to the kitchen. I make some coffee and sit in the deepish nook of my window sill that is my favourite "drift off and zone out" place. I smoke a cigarette and watch the world scuttle past down below. I steal a glimpse at her poking here head out of the shelf. I think about how good things are when we are together. We make things together, we compose, manipulate and create together. I know what she is capable of, I know how to take care of her, and recognise her in my hands every time. She makes some mistakes some times, but I forgive her, she is not perfect, but neither am I. Some times I blame her for my mistakes too. I could be better at taking responsibility for this. She sits there staring at me on some days, pleading to be taken out into the world and shown things she has never seen before.

I have been shooting a bunch of personal projects lately, some of them you will see and some f them you won't. The ones that you will see are great and something I am really proud of. They might not have great meaning to you as the viewer, but for me, the personal effort, sentiment and value is enormous. My head is in a thousand places now. So many things to finish, so many to get started, so many to follow up. I can only do so much at one time. This whole vibe of not shooting and being idle is ok for now. I have accepted that there now only a few weeks left for me to start getting things done. I have committed myself to the process of making some of these happen. Commitment is such a massive thing for me at the moment. I have been so scared to challenge myself and do things out of my usual way, experimenting, playing, testing, making mistakes. A while ago I had to remind myself why I started doing all of this..... Why was that again? Recognition? No. Fame? No. Money? No. To be talented at something? No. Fun? Yes. Photography can be a mental burden, a leech on one's soul when the inspiration runs out, a financial gamble, an art, a rewarding pastime, and a form of art. For me its the reward and the process of making something beautiful come to life. Capturing a moment that can be shared with everyone.

Winter here is a fuck up. Unless you have some winter fashion idea that will probably be cheesy as fuck no matter which angle you look at it. Actually, I do have some cool ideas for shooting outdoor stuff in the snow, but my word, how I can not be bothered to haul all the gear out into the snow and stand there and freeze. Hopefully when I get round to doing these, they won't be cheesy as fuck. Hopefully. So apart from the freezing temps, the shitty light, the misery of just living in Trondheim in Winter, there is actually nothing for me here in this time of year. In fact anywhere north of Morocco is fairly superfluous this time of year.

I hold my hope in one thing that is just around the corner. One thing that will fill my heart and my sun deprived skin with warmth. One place that always make my heart beat to a rhythm I can dig. Home. Cape Town. Oh yes. It has been way too long my old friend. Sun, beach, shorts, lazy evenings, my car, my family, my dog, food, moms cakes, dad's shit jokes, friends. Ill take it all right now. The best part of all of it is the time, 10 weeks!!! Half of which will probably go into shooting and building up my book so that I can show some spring/summer fashion when I get home in February. Its going to be great. I also have this bucket list of shots to get. Some of the big ones will start falling off the list soon. This one thing is pretty much the only thing that is keeping me from putting the toaster in the bath right now.

At the moment I have some other things going on here, making my new home feel like home is coming along pretty well. Tying up the last of the offshore jobs for 2012 is also on the cards. A short trip down to my favourite coastal town in South-Western Norway is also a possibility. And then I'm gone. Will try put up some things whilst I'm working through my mountain of shit. In the mean time here are some of the things, and people I have been shooting with my iPhone. For those of you that are on Instagram, you can follow me @twoshoesphoto. Much love as always for all of you out there following my blog. Take it easy. N.

PS. iPhone 5 camera? OMG!!! I want one soooooo bad. (Just had to drop that in there!)

Sad looking dogs always have the most personality.

Skate session with the boys. Rock, paper, scissors for who goes first.

I made dinner for 9, one of my most impressive feats to date.

Give some, Get some! Got invited to dinner with my girls. Thank you!!!

Collected the key to my new crib. So proud, so stoked, so much spaaaaace!

Went IKEA shopping with the rarest Pokemon from Bergen. Swedish meatballs are a given.

Went shopping for furniture with Linsa, acquired this bad boy Transformer of a coffee table in jet black.  Its now in feed me stuff mode.

And now in: "Oh hi! Im a sneaky coffee table" mode.

The boys testing out the PS3 and the stereo that is waaaaaay too big for my own good. Noise complaints are expected shortly.

Made a biltong pizza. OMG! Words cannot describe the stoke.

Norwegian poetry. Makes me restless!

Bought a bad ass little floor sucker! His name is Darth Vader.

Fast wireless internet courtesy of Apple. This thing is the business!

Breast cancer awareness. I showed and am still showing my support.

Tooooo many potatoes.... Amazing home cooked food ala TwoShoes.

First snow today. Tooooo soon.

Sunday evening once again...

Definetly a first blogging and editing pictures on a train. Done it on a plane, ferry, car and mostly while stationary at a desk of sorts. Trains are definitely not my favourite mode of transport, but the Dutch rail system is fantastic. Those weren't quite my first impressions after I got on the wrong train 3 times on my way out of Schiphol. I thought there was a major flaw in the system and the nincompoop that designed it should have all his dope smoking and soccer viewing rights stripped immediately. Because I am the leading authority on modern rail transport in Europe and thats the end of it.

Im on way to Eindhoven from Groningen with my long lost cousin Sabine. The plan is to meet her dog, crash on the couch and wake up and get my flight back to Trondheim tomorrow. Thats the plan at least. About halfway through the 3 and a bit hour journey and I felt the creative juices manifest in fingers, so why not right? One thing that is niggling me a bit right now is this: I bought a really cool T-shirt yesterday, which is white. I don't usually wear white because I'm very messy and they usually end up a pale shade of yellow within a few hours. But despite my common sense telling me not to buy a designer white t-shirt, my fashion sense told me that this new addition to me already bursting at the seams wardrobe would greatly increase my quality of life and amount of interest shown from the opposite sex. Seems pretty logical huh? Thats what I thought too, but for some reason, literally every time I look down I find a new stain or smudge of something on my new babe magnet of a t-shirt. Not only is this irritating as it further proves the point of common sense that I should just not wear white ever, but it is alarming to think of all the potential women that have been turned away because they can clearly see the off coloured eye-sores that are scattered down the front of me. Thank the washing machine I haven't been near a mirror, I dare to see what the back of this thing looks like now. In these trying times of being young and single, what is a bachelor to do? This current state of panic has left me with very few options, either just put on my coat and hide the grease rag that I adorn with shame and disgust, or just keep on truckin'? Either way, I don't think the chances of meeting the next Mrs Schwerdtfeger are very high on a train across Holland on a Sunday night. But being aware never hurt.

All the travelling in the last couple months has definitely done something to me. Im constantly seeing new things, new faces, new ideas, new places, new styles. Im really feeling like this could be just what I need at the moment. Work, take pictures, network, travel. Bit of sleeping and eating in between there every now and then and I could be peachy. I wish there was a way to make money form travelling…. I know there is, but thats not real money that now unfortunately I have become used to. Im torn apart with this catch 22 of buying an apartment in Norway and building a studio and building up my business from there and hustling in all directions and progressing upward. Or being young and free and travelling and seeing the beauty of the things that are just a stone throw away from me. Bring inspired is so important to me and I guess to everyone that is creating or making things that have a personal touch. I went through a phase a while ago, where I was more interested in inverse square law and technical mish mash of lighting than actually taking pictures. I didn't shoot for at least 6 weeks and felt horrible. I had nothing around me that I was able to draw any incentive from to go out and shoot, even if they were shitty pictures. Right now though I feel like Im on fire though. I have so many ideas and so many concepts that are starting to take shape and form, that Im really struggling to find enough time in the day to plan everything out and make things happen. A balance between the two would be nice though. As with everything balance is essential, I would love to be shooting two or three small productions over a two week period, once a month shooting something big, and in between doing all the bits and pieces needed to string everything together. I would also love a digital medium format camera, a wireless Profoto battery aggregate, and a big studio to chuck it all in. Donations are accepted. Life goes on without the niceties and the wish list continues to grow. 

The balance of things has been present in my thoughts more often than ever in last couple of months. Balancing myself, balancing my pictures, balancing my book, and the ever important balancing of the bank statements at the end of the month. I sent my book into a publishing group in Oslo a while ago, just asking for some feedback and constructive criticism on what I'm doing at the moment. I got both and a bit more than I bargained for in back. The one comment that I received and some thing I have been told by my peers as well is that I don't  shoot enough guys. My book right now is filled with beautiful women between 20 and 30. Thats great for me, as I love shooting beautiful women, but as a photographer I need to show that I can do both. The publishing house told me to expand my range, shoot men, shoot grandparents, shoot kids, shoot couples, and shoot more guys in general. I haven't really listened. I however do have a number of shoots lined up over the next month that feature one guy, two guys and a boy + girl. That should even things out a bit. Another thing that I personally noticed is that all my head shots are being done against 255 white. (255 white is pure white on the colour saturation chart) This is because I know it and can pretty much do it blindfolded, shoot a key light with a soft modifier at 45 degrees in to subject, over-expose the background by an evaluative 3 stops with a slave light and there you go. I have got that down, but it is also a bit of a one trick pony. Its my go to with anything that involves people. As soon as I get more space and bigger lights I will be doing full length shots like this too. The one one thing this type of shot has in its defence is that it is timeless. It will never be a dated shot. Its clean, its elegant and minimalist. These are three things that I love to get the viewer of the photo to note. Now, my next session, which should be on Tuesday or Wednesday week I will break out of this box. Im going to do something different, convey mood with use of lighting not only on subject but on the background and foreground too. Im excited now!

Almost in Eindhoven now, so here is something visual instead of me rambling on for the remainder of this post. Have a great week out there. Do something differently, do something you wouldn't usually, be daring, be adventurous, be alive. But most importantly, take it easy. N